i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
