Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
