He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize
