This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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