So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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