sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
