I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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