She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
