Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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