Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
