Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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