Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
We just shotgunned beers for America
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
