What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
