I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
