I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
