i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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