i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
