do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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