thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
