I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
