Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
