I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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