that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
