I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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