i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
