I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
