WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize