i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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