I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
