I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
