dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
