Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
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