I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
