i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
