I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
