There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
not ubering you a puppy
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
