Duck Duck Cougar?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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