Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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