I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Randomize
