Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
