I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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