He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
