my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
