What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
