also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
