I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Even my vagina gasped.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
