Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
