I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Michael Bay diarrhea
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
