3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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