If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
