I feel like abortions should bother me more
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
