Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
