I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She even gives head with a lisp.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
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I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
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Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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