Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
