i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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