apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
