Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
