We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
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Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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