these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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