I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
What drink are we having for lunch?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
