Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
