He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
