just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
