Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
