i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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