dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
