I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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