I faked an abortion last night.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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