her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
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Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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