Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
