I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
