do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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