9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
