I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
