he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just high enough for therapy.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
