You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
