Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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