I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
